


the tragic irony of matsukawa issei

by emptypens



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A little canon compliant, Angst, I wrote this for five hours straight, I'm so sorry (not really), M/M, Matsukawa Issei is one enormous idiot, POV Matsukawa Issei, Pining, Post-Timeskip MatsuHana, Pre-Timeskip MatsuHana, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26026849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptypens/pseuds/emptypens
Summary: Everyone has that one thing they can’t stop doing.Breaking principles of his own was Matsukawa Issei’s.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	the tragic irony of matsukawa issei

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Iovingmatsukawa/status/1296754976748982273?s=20).

Issei wasn’t one for second thoughts. To him, there was no point in thinking about what had already happened. He was spontaneous, always went with the flow. Things have been that way since the start. 

But there was a moment of disturbance in the middle of his calm ocean.

Takahiro told him to go ahead.

It was nothing. It wasn’t like they didn’t do it every after school, anyway—walking home together. Since their streets weren’t that far from each other, they accompanied each other from the moment they stepped out of the classroom up to when they parted ways.

The two kept each other company in their own ways. Takahiro, the ever so observant who loved looking at every corner of the classroom, would tell Issei everything he had seen that day. In order occasionally, but most of the time, it was a mess.

Issei would then accompany Takahiro’s chattering with his own reactions. They were minimal, sometimes silent even—a hum, a laugh, a few words here and there. It wasn’t a lot, but Takahiro never complained, because it was Issei's way of letting him know he was listening.

From time to time, as they traveled, the spaces between them would close. Takahiro would lean towards Issei. Issei would pull Takahiro by the shoulder to prevent him from bumping into a pillar. Touching arms, touching knees, leaning on each other’s shoulders.

None of that now.

It was then, when Issei realized a lot of things—birds were noisy; sidewalks were spacious; Takahiro never told him why he wasn’t walking home with him.

It was nothing.

It should have been nothing.

_**PRINCIPLE #1** — Don’t think about it too much._

* * *

Asking for something was such a foreign concept to Issei. He wasn’t used to directly getting whatever he wanted from someone, mostly because he had no idea how to ask. Hell, most of the time, he didn’t know what to ask for, anyway.

Some have called him selfless for it. Issei didn’t agree, but he couldn’t deny, either. 

But things change, and Issei wanted at least one thing: an answer to his situation.

Takahiro seemed unusual. 

It was nothing negative, though. If anything, Issei found it amusing, because Takahiro seemed more... alive. He smiled more, laughed more, and talked more, if it was still possible. He seemed freer. excited, even. for what, Issei didn’t know.

Simultaneously, Takahiro seemed more reserved. He watched himself more, from the way he acted to the way he spoke. There was more caution to every step of his foot, every set of the ball, every glance and stare.

Issei found both changes in their conversations and their hangouts, because Takahiro suddenly took interest in things like flowers, gifts, ice cream flavors.

It was unusual. Not bad, but unusual nevertheless.

But what was more unusual was when Issei wondered—for a fraction of a moment—if it was okay to not be selfless for once, if it was okay to wish that Takahiro was being careful for him.

_**PRINCIPLE #2** — Don’t hope for anything. _

* * *

Most of the time, Issei doesn’t make a move, but when he does, it’s never something he’s not sure of. Doing something so risky for an outcome full of uncertainty would be a waste of effort, and Issei didn’t like that thought.

But there were circumstances that begged for exceptions, one of which was a heart that was threatening to burst at the seams.

It was getting out of hand, Issei thought. Whatever it was.

It wasn’t that Issei didn’t know what it was—he wasn’t _that_ dumb. It was more of he refused to face it and look it in the eye. 

But the thing is it started chasing him wherever he went, from when he gets out of bed to when he tucks himself back in.

The worst of it all would be whenever it clings onto him as soon as a certain someone enters the room, and consumes all of him when that someone turns to him and sings his name with a smile.

They were on the rooftop together, admiring what was before them as it all basked in the warm light of the sunset.

But that was what Takahiro was doing. Issei was busy looking at something else— _someone_ else.

As he admired Takahiro’s ever so peaceful expression, Issei thought to himself.  
  
Maybe he could forgive himself for doing something he was still unsure of. Just this once.

“Hana—“ 

“Matsukawa.”

Issei and Takahiro turned to each other. Their surprise melted to laughter. 

“Yeah?”

Takahiro laughed again, and that was when Issei saw something that he hadn’t realized before. 

He didn’t know how he knew, but he knew he wished he figured it out sooner, or he didn’t figure it out at all.

Takahiro was smiling at Issei, _has been_ smiling at Issei—but Issei wasn’t the reason why.

“Are you free tomorrow? I want you to meet someone.”

_**PRINCIPLE #3** — Don’t make a fool out of yourself. _

* * *

It’s been a few years since graduation. All that education and yet nothing prepared Issei for all of the disasters that were waiting for him outside of school premises. 

But that was okay; Issei learned from them.

He learned that asking for directions was completely harmless. He learned that budgeting your money was actually effective. He learned that cereal was best eaten with ice. He learned that life was short, death was inevitable, so on and so forth.

Naturally, you’d think he had learned to move on, too. 

—and he had. 

The small extra space on his bed doesn’t bother him anymore. The coldness of the night feels more of a companion than a result from being alone. He doesn’t stare at the vacant seat in front of him and thought: _I wish he was here._

He genuinely thought he had moved on, which was why he figured it was alright to accept Takahiro’s invitation to hang out, even if it was just for a bit.

Issei met up with Takahiro at a bar the two of them were more than familiar with—it was the place they (including Tooru and Hajime) would head straight to after finals, eating and drinking like they won something.

Familiarity buzzed with warmth in his chest as soon as he took his seat and said hello to Takahiro.

Takahiro was still as loud as ever. If he had a lot of stories then, he had a supply that could last him a lifetime and more now, from all of the jumping from job to job that he’s done.

Takahiro talked and talked, as usual. Issei hummed and laughed and spoke so little, as usual. 

Slowly, more and more things started getting familiar—from the feeling of the alcohol seeping in to the way Issei's eyes followed the curve of Takahiro's smile.

Slowly, more and more things started to resurface, including the way Issei’s heart skipped seven beats all at once, then shattered as soon as he caught the glimmer of light reflected by the ring on Takahiro’s finger.

_**PRINCIPLE #4** — Don’t do it all over again. _

**Author's Note:**

> when will sky write matsukawa issei happy? not today that's for sure  
> i'm a matsukawa stan i swear
> 
> special thanks to [kam](https://twitter.com/matsucockwa) for the inspiration, [mill](https://twitter.com/hanamakinnie) for giving me a bit of help, and everyone who already read it through twitter :D i adore all of you
> 
> thank you for reading! i hope you liked it!


End file.
